شکست عشقی و قاعده عدم تماس
جولای 12, 2019
احساس سوگواری بعد از جدایی(۲)
جولای 26, 2019
معمولاً بعد از تمام شدن رابطه ای، افراد بعد از چند روزحالِ بد، خود را مشغول فعالیت‌های مختلف می کنند تا فراموش کردن این درد و فراق برایشان راحت تر باشد. بعد از موفق شدن به عدم تماس گفتیم که تازه شما با احساسات دردناکی مثل خشم، افسردگی، اضطراب و... رو به رو می شوید و تا زمانی که با این احساسات و عواطف و دردِ آنها مواجه نشوید، معمولاً اتفاقی از درون جهت ارتقاء شما صورت نمی گیرد.
مسئله ی فراموش شده در شکست عاطفی مرحله ی سوگواری است. دردِ دل شکستگی، خودش را به صورت دوره های متوالی و رنج های شدید نشان می دهد. این دوره‌های کوتاه را "حمله سوگواری" می گویند.
گذرِ زمان همه ی زخم ها را درمان نمی کند و این افسانه ای بیش نیست. باید با رنج روبرو شویم و گرنه تبدیل به زخمِ چرکین می شود. وقتی در چنگ سوگواری های حل نشده بمانیم، اعتماد کردن به انسانها و تصمیم گیری سخت تر می شود.
مسئله ی فراموش شده در شکست عاطفی مرحله ی سوگواری است. دردِ دل شکستگی، خودش را به صورت دوره های متوالی و رنج های شدید نشان می دهد. این دوره‌های کوتاه را "حمله سوگواری" می گویند.
گذرِ زمان همه ی زخم ها را درمان نمی کند و این افسانه ای بیش نیست. باید با رنج روبرو شویم و گرنه تبدیل به زخمِ چرکین می شود. وقتی در چنگ سوگواری های حل نشده بمانیم، اعتماد کردن به انسانها و تصمیم گیری سخت تر می شود.
فرایند سوگواری در ابتدا سخت به نظر می‌رسد. حق هم دارید، چرا که باید مستقیماً با احساسات واقعی خودتان روبرو شوید، ممکن است که فکر کنید انکارِ این احساسات راحت‌ترباشد، بدانید که سخت در اشتباهید.
فرایند سوگواری روی خط مستقیم پیش نمی رود دارای چند مرحله است و افراد مدام بین این مراحل در رفت و آمد هستند.
مرحله ی یک ؛
شک و عدم باور است. ممکن است درابتدا در برابر این اتفاق شوکه شوید و آن را باور نکنید. متوجه هستید که آسیب دیده اید اما می‌خواهید که این احساس را سرکوب یا انکار کنید. چون راحت‌ترین کار است.
زمان، انرژی و احساساتی که در رابطه رد و بدل شده اند، کمترین چیزهایی هستند که از دست داده اید. آرزوهایی که در ابتدای رابطه داشتید را از دست داده اید...
چطور می شود این همه رنج را سرکوب کرد و خود را قانع کنید که شوکه نشدید. مرحله شوک ممکن است از چند دقیقه تا چند ماه طول بکشد. احتمالاً در این مرحله احساس شرمندگی و حقارت کنید. احتمالاً اگر شما در مورد نزدیک بودن جدایی چیزی نمی دانستید کمی بیشتر در مرحله شوک بودن می مانید.
احساس گم شدگی و تنهایی می کنید دوست دارید فرار کنید، پنهان شوید،اما در نهایت شوک از بین می رود و شما می مانید با حجم عظیم احساسات.
مرحله دوم
بررسی وضعیت، از دست دادن امید و هجوم احساسات شدید
تحمل احساس غم از توان شما خارج است ممکن است به عوارض جسمی هم منجر شود و فعالیت های روزمره تان مختل گردد. شدت این احساسات شما را می ترساند اما این روند کاملاً طبیعی است شما کنترل اوضاع را از دست نداده اید و صرفاً مشغول سوگواری هستید. یادآوری این نکته، خیلی در آرامش شما تاثیر دارد و همدلی خوبی با خودتان است.
فکر کردن به جزئیاتِ زجرآورِ رابطه، بخش مهمی از فرآیند سوگواری است. صحنه ی جدایی را بارها و بارها مرور می‌کنید. به زمانهای خوب رابطه فکر می‌کنید ممکن است ذهن تان بین صحنه ی جدایی و زمان های خوب در نوسان باشد. برای رها کردن رابطه، باید آن را همان طور که هست بپذیرید، نه بیش از اندازه خوب و نه بد.
فرایند سوگواری روی خط مستقیم پیش نمی رود دارای چند مرحله است و افراد مدام بین این مراحل در رفت و آمد هستند.
مراحل سوگواری
مرحله ی یک ؛
شک و عدم باور است. ممکن است درابتدا در برابر این اتفاق شوکه شوید و آن را باور نکنید. متوجه هستید که آسیب دیده اید اما می‌خواهید که این احساس را سرکوب یا انکار کنید. چون راحت‌ترین کار است.
زمان، انرژی و احساساتی که در رابطه رد و بدل شده اند، کمترین چیزهایی هستند که از دست داده اید. آرزوهایی که در ابتدای رابطه داشتید را از دست داده اید...
چطور می شود این همه رنج را سرکوب کرد و خود را قانع کنید که شوکه نشدید. مرحله شوک ممکن است از چند دقیقه تا چند ماه طول بکشد. احتمالاً در این مرحله احساس شرمندگی و حقارت کنید. احتمالاً اگر شما در مورد نزدیک بودن جدایی چیزی نمی دانستید کمی بیشتر در مرحله شوک بودن می مانید.
احساس گم شدگی و تنهایی می کنید دوست دارید فرار کنید، پنهان شوید،اما در نهایت شوک از بین می رود و شما می مانید با حجم عظیم احساسات.
مرحله دوم
بررسی وضعیت، از دست دادن امید و هجوم احساسات شدید
تحمل احساس غم از توان شما خارج است ممکن است به عوارض جسمی هم منجر شود و فعالیت های روزمره تان مختل گردد. شدت این احساسات شما را می ترساند اما این روند کاملاً طبیعی است شما کنترل اوضاع را از دست نداده اید و صرفاً مشغول سوگواری هستید. یادآوری این نکته، خیلی در آرامش شما تاثیر دارد و همدلی خوبی با خودتان است.
فکر کردن مدام به رابطه و فرد
فکر کردن به جزئیاتِ زجرآورِ رابطه، بخش مهمی از فرآیند سوگواری است. صحنه ی جدایی را بارها و بارها مرور می‌کنید. به زمانهای خوب رابطه فکر می‌کنید ممکن است ذهن تان بین صحنه ی جدایی و زمان های خوب در نوسان باشد. برای رها کردن رابطه، باید آن را همان طور که هست بپذیرید، نه بیش از اندازه خوب و نه بد.
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