طلاق عاطفی در رابطه (۲)
جولای 5, 2019
طلاق عاطفی در رابطه (1)
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ، ﺑﻪ ﺳﺮدی راﺑﻄﻪ ی ﻣﯿﺎن زن و ﺷﻮﻫﺮ ﮔﻔﺘﻪ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد.در واﻗﻊ در اﯾﻦ راﺑﻄﻪ، ضعف ارتباط عاطفی زن و ﺷﻮﻫﺮ ﻣﻨﺠﺮ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد ﺑﻪ ﺳﺮدی ﺗﻤﺎﻣﯽ رواﺑﻄﯽ ﮐﻪ ﯾﮏ زوج ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮاﻧﻨﺪ ﺑﺎ ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ داﺷﺘﻪ ﺑﺎﺷﻨﺪ؛ ﻣﺎﻧﻨﺪ راﺑﻄﻪ ی روحی، جسمی، ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ و ﺣﺘﯽ ﮔﻔﺘﺎری . در این شرایط، زوج ﺑﺎ ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﻣﯽ ﮐﻨﻨﺪ، اﻣﺎ ﺟﺬابیتی ﺑﺮای ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ ّندارند، و از ﺑﻮدن در ﮐﻨﺎر ﻫﻢ ﻟﺬت ﻧﻤﯽ ﺑﺮﻧﺪ .
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ در ﻫﯿﭻ ﮐﺠﺎ ﺑﻪ ﺛﺒﺖ ﻧﻤﯽ رﺳﺪ و ﻧﻤﻮد ﻋﯿﻨﯽ ﻧﺪارد، و ﺗﺠﺮﺑﻪ و ﺗﺤﻘﯿﻘﺎت ﺛﺎﺑﺖ ﮐﺮده اﺳﺖ ﮐﻪ آﻣﺎر ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ از ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ اﺳﺖ و ﻣﻬﻢ ﺗﺮﯾﻦ ﻧﻮع ﻃﻼق از ﻧﻈﺮ آﺳﯿﺐ ﻫﺎﯾﯽ ﮐﻪ ﺑﺮای ﻓﺮد و ﺟﺎﻣﻌﻪ دارد، ﺑﻪ ﺣﺴﺎب ﻣﯽ آﯾﺪ.
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ در ﻫﯿﭻ ﮐﺠﺎ ﺑﻪ ﺛﺒﺖ ﻧﻤﯽ رﺳﺪ و ﻧﻤﻮد ﻋﯿﻨﯽ ﻧﺪارد، و ﺗﺠﺮﺑﻪ و ﺗﺤﻘﯿﻘﺎت ﺛﺎﺑﺖ ﮐﺮده اﺳﺖ ﮐﻪ آﻣﺎر ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ از ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ اﺳﺖ و ﻣﻬﻢ ﺗﺮﯾﻦ ﻧﻮع ﻃﻼق از ﻧﻈﺮ آﺳﯿﺐ ﻫﺎﯾﯽ ﮐﻪ ﺑﺮای ﻓﺮد و ﺟﺎﻣﻌﻪ دارد، ﺑﻪ ﺣﺴﺎب ﻣﯽ آﯾﺪ.
رﻓﺘﺎرﻫﺎﯾﯽ ﻣﺎﻧﺘﺪ؛ درک ﻧﮑﺮدن درﺳﺖ رﻓﺘﺎر و ﮔﻔﺘﺎر ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ ، ﻧﺪاﺷﺘﻦ ﺷﻨﺎﺧﺖ ﮐﺎﻓﯽ از روﺣﯿﺎت ﻃﺮف ﻣﻘﺎﺑﻞ و ﻋﺎﻗﺒﺖ ، ﺑﯽ ﻋﻼﻗﮕﯽ و ﺳﺮدی ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﺑﻪ ﺷﺮﯾﮏ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﺧﻮد ، ﻫﻤﻪ زﻣﯿﻨﻪ ﺳﺎز ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ در زﻧﺪﮔﯽ زوج ﻫﺎ ﺧﻮاﻫﺪ ﺑﻮد .
در واﻗﻊ ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ از زﻣﺎﻧﯽ آﻏﺎز ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد ﮐﻪ ﯾﮏ راﺑﻄﻪ ﮔﺮم ﻣﻨﻔﮏ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد و ﻃﺮح زﻧﺪﮔﯽ زوج ﺑﻪ ﺟﺎی "ﻣﺎ" ﺑﻪ "ﻣﻦ" ﺗﺒﺪﯾﻞ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد .
اﯾﻦ اﺗﻔﺎق ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮاﻧﺪ ﺑﻪ ﺻﻮرت ﯾﮑﻄﺮﻓﻪ ﯾﺎ دو ﻃﺮﻓﻪ و ﺑﻪ ﻣﺮور زﻣﺎن رخ دﻫﺪ و دو ﻃﺮف ﺑﻪ ﺗﺪرﯾﺞ ﻣﺘﻮﺟﻪ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮﻧﺪ ﮐﻪ ﺟﺬاﺑﯿﺖ ، ﻋﻼﻗﻪ و ﻋﺎﻃﻔﻪ ی ﻣﺜﺒﺘﯽ ﮐﻪ ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﺑﻪ ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ داﺷﺘﻪ اﻧﺪ ، در ﺑﯿﻦ آﻧﻬﺎ رﻧﮓ ﺑﺎﺧﺘﻪ اﺳﺖ .
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ ﺑﻄﻮر ﻣﻌﻤﻮل از ﺳﺎل ﻫﺎی ﭘﻨﺠﻢ و ﺷﺸﻢ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﺷﺮوع ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد ؛ ﯾﻌﻨﯽ وﻗﺘﯽ ﮐﻪ اﻓﺮاد اﻣﯿﺪ ﺑﻪ ﺗﻐﯿﯿﺮ ﻫﻤﺴﺮ را از دﺳﺖ ﻣﯽ دﻫﻨﺪ و اﻟﺒﺘﻪ از ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ ﻫﻢ ﻧﺎ اﻣﯿﺪ ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪ.
ﺑﻪ ﺗﺪرﯾﺞ ﻓﺎﺻﻠﻪ ی ﻣﯿﺎن آﻧﻬﺎ ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ و ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد. ﭘﺲ ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮان ﻧﺘﯿﺠﻪ ﮔﺮﻓﺖ، ﻧﺸﺎﻧﻪ ﻫﺎﯾﯽ ﮐﻪ در اواﯾﻞ راﺑﻄﻪ دﯾﺪه ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮﻧﺪ را اﮔﺮ زوج ﺟﺪی ﺑﮕﯿﺮﻧﺪ و ﮔﻤﺎن ﻧﮑﻨﻨﺪ ﮐﻪ ﮔﺬﺷﺖ زﻣﺎن آﻧﻬﺎ را ﺣﻞ ﺧﻮاﻫﺪ ﮐﺮد، ﺑﺎﺑﺖ اﻣﯿﺪ و اﻧﮕﯿﺰه ای ﮐﻪ ﻫﻨﻮز در راﺑﻄﻪ وﺟﻮد دارد، اﻣﮑﺎن رﻓﻊ آﻧﻬﺎ ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ اﺳﺖ (ﭘﯿﺸﮕﯿﺮی ﺑﻬﺘﺮ از درﻣﺎن اﺳﺖ).
در ﭼﻨﯿﻦ ﺷﺮاﯾﻄﯽ، زوج ﻣﺠﺒﻮرﻧﺪ ﺑﺪون اﯾﻦ ﮐﻪ ﺗﻔﺎﻫﻤﯽ داﺷﺘﻪ ﺑﺎﺷﻨﺪ ، ﺑﺪون ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ ، اﻣﺎ زﯾﺮ ﯾﮏ ﺳﻘﻒ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﮐﻨﻨﺪ. ﭼﻮن ﻣﺴﺎﺋﻠﯽ ﻣﺎﻧﻨﺪ؛ ﻧﯿﺎز ﻣﺎﻟﯽ، ﺣﻀﻮر ﺑﭽﻪ ﻫﺎ و ﺗﺮس از ﻗﻀﺎوت ﻫﺎی اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﯽ، ﻣﺎﻧﻊ ﺗﺼﻤﯿﻢ ﮔﯿﺮی ﺟﺪی ﺑﺮای روﺷﻦ ﮐﺮدن ﺗﮑﻠﯿﻒ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد .
اﻣﺎ ، ﺷﺎﯾﺪ ﻓﮑﺮ ﮐﻨﯿﺪ ﺣﻔﻆ ﭼﻨﯿﻦ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ از ﻫﻢ ﮔﺴﯿﺨﺘﻪ ای ﮐﻢ ﺧﻄﺮ ﺗﺮ از ﺗﺠﺮﺑﻪ ی ﺟﺪاﯾﯽ واﻗﻌﯽ (ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ) اﺳﺖ. ﺣﻘﯿﻘﺖ اﯾﻦ اﺳﺖ ﮐﻪ ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮاﻧﺪ ﺑﺴﯿﺎر ﺧﻄﺮﻧﺎک ﺗﺮ از ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ ﺑﺎﺷﺪ .
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ ﻓﺸﺎر ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ زﯾﺎدی ﺑﻪ زوج و ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده وارد ﻣﯽ ﮐﻨﺪ. ﻧﯿﺎزﻫﺎی ﻃﺮﻓﯿﻦ ﺑﺮﻃﺮف ﻧﻤﯽ ﺷﻮد و ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﺑﻪ ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ ﺑﯽ اﻋﺘﻤﺎد ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮﻧﺪ. ﺑﻨﯿﺎن ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده در ﭼﻨﯿﻦ ﺷﺮاﯾﻄﯽ ﺳﺴﺖ ﺷﺪه و ﻣﻤﮑﻦ اﺳﺖ در ﭼﻨﯿﻦ ﺷﺮاﯾﻄﯽ زوج ﯾﺎ ﯾﮑﯽ از آﻧﻬﺎ، ﺑﺎ اﻧﻮاع ﺑﯿﻤﺎری ﻫﺎی روان ﺗﻨﯽ روﺑﻪ رو ﺷﻮﻧﺪ.
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در واﻗﻊ ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ از زﻣﺎﻧﯽ آﻏﺎز ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد ﮐﻪ ﯾﮏ راﺑﻄﻪ ﮔﺮم ﻣﻨﻔﮏ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد و ﻃﺮح زﻧﺪﮔﯽ زوج ﺑﻪ ﺟﺎی "ﻣﺎ" ﺑﻪ "ﻣﻦ" ﺗﺒﺪﯾﻞ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد .
ﭼﻪ زﻣﺎﻧﯽ ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ اﺗﻔﺎق ﻣﯽ اﻓﺘﺪ؟
اﯾﻦ اﺗﻔﺎق ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮاﻧﺪ ﺑﻪ ﺻﻮرت ﯾﮑﻄﺮﻓﻪ ﯾﺎ دو ﻃﺮﻓﻪ و ﺑﻪ ﻣﺮور زﻣﺎن رخ دﻫﺪ و دو ﻃﺮف ﺑﻪ ﺗﺪرﯾﺞ ﻣﺘﻮﺟﻪ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮﻧﺪ ﮐﻪ ﺟﺬاﺑﯿﺖ ، ﻋﻼﻗﻪ و ﻋﺎﻃﻔﻪ ی ﻣﺜﺒﺘﯽ ﮐﻪ ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﺑﻪ ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ داﺷﺘﻪ اﻧﺪ ، در ﺑﯿﻦ آﻧﻬﺎ رﻧﮓ ﺑﺎﺧﺘﻪ اﺳﺖ .
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ ﺑﻄﻮر ﻣﻌﻤﻮل از ﺳﺎل ﻫﺎی ﭘﻨﺠﻢ و ﺷﺸﻢ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﺷﺮوع ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد ؛ ﯾﻌﻨﯽ وﻗﺘﯽ ﮐﻪ اﻓﺮاد اﻣﯿﺪ ﺑﻪ ﺗﻐﯿﯿﺮ ﻫﻤﺴﺮ را از دﺳﺖ ﻣﯽ دﻫﻨﺪ و اﻟﺒﺘﻪ از ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ ﻫﻢ ﻧﺎ اﻣﯿﺪ ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪ.
ﺑﻪ ﺗﺪرﯾﺞ ﻓﺎﺻﻠﻪ ی ﻣﯿﺎن آﻧﻬﺎ ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ و ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد. ﭘﺲ ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮان ﻧﺘﯿﺠﻪ ﮔﺮﻓﺖ، ﻧﺸﺎﻧﻪ ﻫﺎﯾﯽ ﮐﻪ در اواﯾﻞ راﺑﻄﻪ دﯾﺪه ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮﻧﺪ را اﮔﺮ زوج ﺟﺪی ﺑﮕﯿﺮﻧﺪ و ﮔﻤﺎن ﻧﮑﻨﻨﺪ ﮐﻪ ﮔﺬﺷﺖ زﻣﺎن آﻧﻬﺎ را ﺣﻞ ﺧﻮاﻫﺪ ﮐﺮد، ﺑﺎﺑﺖ اﻣﯿﺪ و اﻧﮕﯿﺰه ای ﮐﻪ ﻫﻨﻮز در راﺑﻄﻪ وﺟﻮد دارد، اﻣﮑﺎن رﻓﻊ آﻧﻬﺎ ﺑﯿﺸﺘﺮ اﺳﺖ (ﭘﯿﺸﮕﯿﺮی ﺑﻬﺘﺮ از درﻣﺎن اﺳﺖ).
در ﭼﻨﯿﻦ ﺷﺮاﯾﻄﯽ، زوج ﻣﺠﺒﻮرﻧﺪ ﺑﺪون اﯾﻦ ﮐﻪ ﺗﻔﺎﻫﻤﯽ داﺷﺘﻪ ﺑﺎﺷﻨﺪ ، ﺑﺪون ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ ، اﻣﺎ زﯾﺮ ﯾﮏ ﺳﻘﻒ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﮐﻨﻨﺪ. ﭼﻮن ﻣﺴﺎﺋﻠﯽ ﻣﺎﻧﻨﺪ؛ ﻧﯿﺎز ﻣﺎﻟﯽ، ﺣﻀﻮر ﺑﭽﻪ ﻫﺎ و ﺗﺮس از ﻗﻀﺎوت ﻫﺎی اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﯽ، ﻣﺎﻧﻊ ﺗﺼﻤﯿﻢ ﮔﯿﺮی ﺟﺪی ﺑﺮای روﺷﻦ ﮐﺮدن ﺗﮑﻠﯿﻒ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮد .
اﻣﺎ ، ﺷﺎﯾﺪ ﻓﮑﺮ ﮐﻨﯿﺪ ﺣﻔﻆ ﭼﻨﯿﻦ زﻧﺪﮔﯽ از ﻫﻢ ﮔﺴﯿﺨﺘﻪ ای ﮐﻢ ﺧﻄﺮ ﺗﺮ از ﺗﺠﺮﺑﻪ ی ﺟﺪاﯾﯽ واﻗﻌﯽ (ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ) اﺳﺖ. ﺣﻘﯿﻘﺖ اﯾﻦ اﺳﺖ ﮐﻪ ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ ﻣﯽ ﺗﻮاﻧﺪ ﺑﺴﯿﺎر ﺧﻄﺮﻧﺎک ﺗﺮ از ﻃﻼق رﺳﻤﯽ ﺑﺎﺷﺪ .
ﻃﻼق ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ ﻓﺸﺎر ﻋﺎﻃﻔﯽ زﯾﺎدی ﺑﻪ زوج و ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده وارد ﻣﯽ ﮐﻨﺪ. ﻧﯿﺎزﻫﺎی ﻃﺮﻓﯿﻦ ﺑﺮﻃﺮف ﻧﻤﯽ ﺷﻮد و ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﺑﻪ ﯾﮑﺪﯾﮕﺮ ﺑﯽ اﻋﺘﻤﺎد ﻣﯽ ﺷﻮﻧﺪ. ﺑﻨﯿﺎن ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده در ﭼﻨﯿﻦ ﺷﺮاﯾﻄﯽ ﺳﺴﺖ ﺷﺪه و ﻣﻤﮑﻦ اﺳﺖ در ﭼﻨﯿﻦ ﺷﺮاﯾﻄﯽ زوج ﯾﺎ ﯾﮑﯽ از آﻧﻬﺎ، ﺑﺎ اﻧﻮاع ﺑﯿﻤﺎری ﻫﺎی روان ﺗﻨﯽ روﺑﻪ رو ﺷﻮﻧﺪ.
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