موانع صمیمیت بین زن و شوهر
چگونه همسر خود را ببخشیم؟
آگوست 2, 2019
چگونه با همسر خود صمیمی شویم؟
آگوست 16, 2019
موانع صمیمیت بین زن و شوهر
ایجاد صمیمیت بین زن و شوهر، مسئولیت هر دوی آنهاست. چون هر دو با هم برای ایجاد این رابطه، توافق کردند و هر دو مسئول هستند به سهم خود در نگهداری و ایجاد صمیمیت تلاش کنند.
در این مقاله می خواهیم درباره آفت های صمیمیت و عواملی که مانع ایجاد آن می شود صحبت کنیم.
عواملی که حتی ممکن است همسران متوجه اثر منفی آن در رابطه نباشند. گاهی اوقات زن و شوهر هنگام حرف زدن از واژگانی استفاده می‌کنند که شاید به خودی خود اشتباه نباشد، اما اگر بدون آگاهی و در درازمدت تکرار شود، تاثیر بدی بر جای می‌گذارد.
"وظیفه ی من نیست"
فراموش نکنید ازدواج یک فرایند دو طرفه است و تاریخ انقضایی هم ندارد تا زمانی که خودتان بخواهید. اگر گاهی همسرتان در کاری نیروی بیشتری به خرج می دهد سعی کنید در جای دیگر این کار را جبران کنید.
استفاده ازاین عبارت، نشانه نداشتن تعهد در پذیرش مسئولیت های زندگی است. سعی کنید از تعصبات پوچ درباره وظایف زن و مرد دوری کنید. تقسیم کارها در منزل و کمک به یکدیگر به صمیمیت شما می افزاید و این در نهایت به نفع شماست.
"از فلانی یاد بگیر"
این جمله هر چقدر هم که بگویید منظورتان مقایسه نبوده است، پیامدهای روحی مخربی برای همسرتان به دنبال دارد و روش سرزنش گونه ی انتقاد از همسرتان است. هیچ کس کامل نیست، شاید همسر شما فردی خونگرم و اجتماعی نباشد اما در عوض باهوش و دست و دلباز است. به انتخاب خودتون احترام بگذارید.
"همه یا هیچ!" (همیشه یا هیچ وقت)
وقتی از همسرتان به دلیل کاری که انجام می دهد یا نمی دهد، ناراحت می شوید و از این عبارت استفاده می کنید، خودتان رفتارش را طوری جلوه می دهید که انگار شخصیت او همانطور است.
برای مثال اگر همسرتان در کارهای منزل به شما کمک نمی کند، به او بگویید: "توهیچ وقت به من کمک نمی کنی!" شاید در همان لحظه، عصبانیت خود را کم کنید. اما در زندگی مشترک باید از اثرات حرفها و کارهایمان در درازمدت مطلع باشیم و فقط در کوتاه مدت به دنبال مُسکن نباشیم.(دوراندیشی)
اگر همسرتان از شما می‌خواهد کاری انجام دهید، شما باید یا موافقت کنید (بدون غرولند) یا با دلایل منطقی آن را رد کنید. در هر حال شما باید احساس واقعی خود را به او بگویید. این هم حق شماست و هم همسرتان (به حقوق یکدیگر احترام بگذارید).
"چقدر چاق شده ای"
بیشتر افراد به ویژه خانم ها از شنیدن این جمله ناراحت می‌شوند. هیچ گاه از اندام همسرتان به ویژه در هنگام عصبانیت ایراد نگیرید و اگر نگران اضافه وزن یا سلامتی همسرتان هستید (البته لازم است اوهم به این بینش برسد) شما از او جلوتر نروید. چون کمک به رابطه ی شما نمی کند که هیچ، دور تر هم می شوید. حداقل سعی کنید با این عناوین، به جای ایراد گرفتن مستقیم استفاده کنید، برای مثال: "موافقی هر شب بعد از شام، کمی پیاده روی کنیم" و…
" فراموشش کن!"
بکار بردن این جمله برای رویارویی با بحث های زناشویی، راهی بی فایده است. گفتن این حرف مانند این است که بگویید: "مرا تنها بزار؛ من هیچ علاقه ای ندارم که بدانم که تو چه احساسی داری!".
معمولاً افرادی که این عبارت را استفاده می کنند، انگار به زانو درآمده اند و نمی خواهند به هیچ چیزی اعتراض کنند( مرحله بی تفاوتی و خطرناک ).
به تعویق انداختن بحث، کار خوبی است، اما باید زمانِ آن را برای همسرتان تعریف کنید؛ برای مثال بگویید: که پس از خوابیدن فرزندان یا هنگام بازگشتن از محل کار به خانه، درباره ی آن با هم صحبت میکنیم.
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